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16.11.21

It's Already 2021!

It's already 2021

In fact,in one & half month,2022 will be here...hahaha =D

.

..

...

Not really a good news actually..


With all the covid things,

How the whole world change,

Making the life more difficult...


So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life you're my sweetest nightingale
But I can't hear it here no more
And I go... I go

Hush now, don't shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face

I dont really know what to wish for,

Because being alive just as hard as keeping myself in a piece..



17.11.19

Sound of Silence


I did a lot today,
As planning..
Except..keluar rumah 🤓

Since that accident, 
The confident level of mine
Dropped..
If and only if,
I have a choice,
I’m not going to drive anymore 😪

Back to me,
Who staying inside,
No meeting with human being,
Is it bad?
I keep minimising my needs
I survive will all i already had
I create billion reasons not to go out..
I just want to be with myself only.

Silence is the most comfortable sound.
Please stop speaking,
Please stop asking,
Just let me breath through,
And let the silence heal it.


11.11.19

Still Breathing



I’ve been in silence for so looonng..
Before, writing used to be my hobby
I don’t know when writing started to be a burden
The hobby that i disgrace

As all the things that i wanted to forget

Is written so well..
As i read what i wrote years back
That feeling keep coming back
Then i stop to write down what saddened my heart

And now after 2 years plus i’ve stop writing
I feel like i’m less human
I can’t recall why i felt that way
I loss myself in the transition
I’m ruined..

I hate crowd..so this place suited me best..
I wish to write again
About everything
So i can feel like i’m still breathing


14.6.18

Aku yang merindumu~~


Tiada siapa yang pernah tahu
Tiada siap yang pernah rasa
Biar mereka coba mau
coba ada denganku

Mestikah kau perlu menjauh
Mestikah kau perlu menghalang
Perasaan yang pernah datang
Yang tak pernah hilang

Aku yang merindumu
Selalu menantikan dirimu
Yang selalu memahami
Tiap getar hatimu

Aku yang merindumu
Selalu menantikan dirimu
Yang selalu memahami
Tiap getar hatimu

Jika aku yang engkau ingin
Kunantikan satu jawaban
Perasaan yang pernah datang
Yang tak pernah hilang

Aku yang merindumu
Selalu menantikan dirimu
Yang selalu memahami
Tiap getar hatimu

Aku yang merindumu
Selalu menantikan dirimu
Yang selalu memahami
Tiap getar hatimu

Aku yang merindumu
Selalu menantikan dirimu
Yang selalu rindu
Yang selalu menantimu



Song in da head..huhu..Penangan cerita Nur.

16.7.17

Wounded Soul





Feel so worthless
Useless
Unappreciated
Not a priority
Unwanted
Never good enough
Unimportant
Feel so weak that people take me for granted
High expectation that killing me countlessly
And for having such imagination; u love me..

And I'm sad, again
For changing my mind
Thinking u might need me
When actually
I'm just an option
Who there
Or not there
Will never affect u

I'm looking for a road
Not trying to run away
But to find a missing soul
My wounded soul...


Pen off.







26.3.17

Sampai bila?

Dah banyak kali
Buat keputusan yang sama
Dan banyak kali
Balik kepada rasa yang sama

Penat
Berharap pada yang tak pasti
Penat
Bermimpi yang bukan realiti
Penat
Memujuk hati sendiri

Tahu..nanti pasti menangis
Tahu..nanti pasti sesal
Tahu..nanti pasti mencari
Tahu..nanti pasti rindu

Seorang aku
Dan seorang kamu
Kalau tulisnya bersatu
Kita akan bertemu

Untuk hari ini
Biar aku berlalu
Memadam rasa lama
Merawat jiwa duka

Andai tak pernah tertulis
Kita akan berselisih
Aku pasti ingat kamu
Tapi terpulang pada kamu
Untuk ingat aku







21.1.17

Sorry for being me..


             
Dulu kecik-kecik selalu kena usik sebab tak pandai makan pedas.
Dah biasa kena ejek,but sometimes their words were too harsh and its hurt.

Dari kecik, selalu rasa insecure.. You can find me easily at my mother's back.
I'm afraid to walk alone..tak kira lah pegi kedai ke,pasar malam ke..nervous..paranoid..

Bila kena berdiri depan orang ramai, i need to gather all the strength in me..practise hard to control my nervous, to look confident. It's not easy..

Masuk asrama, i need to hide myself. I made it, looking as a different me until i was sent to uk. But then, one day i started to think..



This is not me..i'm fake..i wanted to be real me..the old me..

Then the anxiety came to my door, knocking hard together with those depression.
I'm hiding myself from people..but i welcomed anxiety and depression to be my partner..

I spend most of energy on overthinking..i know this is wrong..i need to seek for help..but i'm no longer believe in people including my family..the only thing that i can do were writing and crying..

I survived. 
I fight all the negative feeling myself. 
No one know. No one realize how broken i am.

Although i've survived, but i still don't feel like living. I tried to open up to people whom i can share this feeling. This anxiety, this depression, this stress that i hold for too long inside me. 

But again.
My anxiety become a joke.
My insecurity become a blame.

Mengada~
Penakut~
Kan dulu sorang-sorang,boleh je..~
You have no choice~
Da besar kot~

All those words hurt me more.

Feel regret for having the believe that,
They can accept all my flaws.
But for them,
I just need to look perfect.. Just hide all those flaws. No need to mention it.

So, i'm back to the old me.