A hectic 2016

Exhausted

Tired

Just wanna walk away

Far,far away...

My life is like a turning pages

Written by others

Who have high expectation

For the next pages

Stress,depress

I might gone crazy in second

No more excitement

No more happiness

No more my own dreams

Only their dreams

I wanna stop

Doing thing for people

I wanna do something

For myself..

I wanna walk away

And never return

My darling

Rasa rindu,berdebar-debar,nervous

Rasa sakit hati,marah,menyampah

Tiba-tiba rasa nak nanges,

Tiba-tiba kecut perut macam nak amik exam

Tapi semua rasa tu kena tahan,kena simpan,kena sorok..

Firstly excited..

High expectation..

Then built courage..

Even smile at myself,

Like a fool..

So happy about you..

And....as usual,

That moment come again.

I felt so sad,

So down..

All the courage flew away..

No more smile on my face,

Like a fool I'm crying..

And....as usual,

I decided to put you aside...forever......again..

I do know,

U always like that.

Somehow, I do think,

I am the one who should be blamed.

I easily get excited just because,

You talked to me.

I got happy just because,

You called me.

I even think it's such a bless just because,

You remembered me.

Need to get rid of this feeling.

It's killing me badly,

It's hurt!

If and only if I had a delete button for the memories,

I will definitely delete everything bout you my darling..

15/10/14

Kepenatan suda~

Penat..

Bila apa yang kita buat,

Orang tak hargai,

Orang pertikai.

Rasa nak lari,

Tenangkan hati,

Kosongkan otak,

Nak jerit sekuat hati,

Menangis puas-puas.

Tapi,

Nak tak nak,

Kena balik ke tempat sama.

Yang menguji emosi,

Menguji ketahanan diri.

Like seriously,

This life is exhausting.

Don't ask me to tell u everything,

Coz i'm not going to.

Open up for u,

Will only give u burden.

It's Me

                                 

I'm detaching myself

From friends 

From family

From everything i once had

I don't believe in myself

And i don't believe in people

I don't believe in relationship

Whether it is

Friendship

Family

Or Love

I've done that before

Being attached to someone

But then i've been left alone..

That struggle

I can still recall

I've done that before

Hoping they love me

And feel appreciated when i'm home

But then i've been left alone

For politics,

Name and all

I've done that before

Showing all the flaws

Believe that those will never make you go

But then i've been left alone

Hoping i could turn back the clock

Hiding my true self locked

For you it might be easy

To be close to anyone..

But for me,

It takes a lot of effort and energy

A lot of time and thinking

Just to start talking

Just to open up a little bit

Telling stories is no longer my hobby

I'll keep everything inside

And will cry when too hurt

I am not gonna let anyone know

Not gonna let me to find u 

when i'm losing myself in disappointment 

Because

I've done that before

Telling everything

Shared everything

Searching for u just for crying

But then,

One day,

U decided to no longer be there

U are not willing anymore to listen

No more time

No more space

And i've been left alone

Telling myself

It's ok

It is really ok.

But i'm not ok.

Series of depression

Episodes of unstable emotion

I drown into my own world

Keep telling myself to never believe in people

Including myself..

Series of delusional

Episodes of sadness

I lost reason to smile

I lost reason to be in the crowd

Silence become my bestfriend.

I'm still fighting.

Try to put some hope in me.

Yes, there are people who love me.

But still...

U hurt me countlessly..

Because, again it's me

Who let u to stab me.

It's me, who allow u

To kill me.

It's me, who make the belief

That u still care..

It's me..

Thank You Allah

That feeling.

When what you hope to happen,

Allah make it real.

He always listen,

He always there watching,

And give the best to you

In the best moment.

Keep on praying,

He will give the answer.

InsyaAllah..

KK - Kundasang - Kudat - KK

Kind of kerja giler la jugak..

28 - 31 May 2016

Major Throwback.....

KK - Kundasang

Dengan cuaca mendung, hujan renyai-renyai sekejap,

lebat sekejap.

Jumpa lori lembab macam kura-kura,

Kereta laju macam tengah race je..

me driving?

Of couse not..

masa pergi ni baru 2 bulan kot dapat lesen..

kalau drive, mau menggeletar kepala lutut..=P

This was our hotel in Kundasang..

Pay more for beautiful scenary..

and a lot of screaming jugaklah..

punyalah tinggi kena mendaki bukit...

But the scenery..

SUBHANALLAH..

This trip fully for healing..

stress healing..

and this beautiful scenery make me feel like i'm in different world for a while..

Desa Farm Kundasang..

Orang lain datang tengok lembu bagai,

kitorang datang semata-mata untuk beli susu & aiskrim..

lepas tu blahh..hihi..=P

Orang datang sini untuk hotspring..

Kitorang dengan pakai jeans pegi meredah hutan belantara dan jumpalah air terjun yang comeyy ni..

Berendam sekejap..

sejukk glerr..

Sebenarnya ada air terjun yang lagi besar tapi kena jalan lagi jauh..

Memandangkan hanya pakai selipar, lupakan dululah hajat tu..

Canopy Walk~

Orang gayat sangat tak digalakkan..

Dia punya goyang, debor2 la jugak jantung ni..

Kundasang - Kudat

Next Checkpoint,

Tip of Borneo!

Jauh jugak la driving..

Ada singgah satu surau ke masjid ni..

Ada sorang budak lelaki..dia senyum, kitorang pun senyum..

tapi tak berani tegur..

kang benda lain macam mane??!

Mencari ketenangan jiwa..

seriously, life and job starting to kill me..aishhh..

Kudat - KK

 Back to KK

Rumah Terbalik..

Macam femes sangat kann..

Pergi  Cultural Village ni..

Tapi kena tunggu petang baru bukak..

Masa itu Emas ok..

Jadi selamat tinggal!

Apa ni?

Korean Food!

Labuan tak ada so bagi can la kann..

so very da yummyy..huhu..

That's It.

End of August, will be at KK again.

This time, Gunung Kinabalu!

Deleting......

I need to move on

.

.

.

.

.

Really need to move on..

Goodbye all those 10 years of memories

No need to come and see me again.

The Healing Silence

When u feel hurt

Just stay quiet

Coz your words

Might kill you and others

Burry yourself in silence..

Run away from people..

Stay away from the crowd..

Get into your own world,

And start to appreciate you..

 

There's always rainbow after raining

And He gave you two!

Smile while you can.

Be grateful for what you have.

Let go everything that hurt you.

Pegawai...

Pegawai Sains (Pemakanan)

Masa interview, tak tahu apa-apa pun pasal jawatan ni.. no idea at all..
Dah nama pun belajar dekat luar, memang tak ada pendedahan nak bandingkan dengan yang belajar dekat dalam..

Cabaran~

Yang banyak bantu, pengalaman..
Pengalaman kerja dalam persatuan,
Pengalaman berdepan dengan macam-macam perangai manusia,
Pengalaman paksa diri positif dalam suasana negatif.

Susah kot..

When u set a high expectation on yourself,
You will easily feel exhausted..tired..stress..
Try to let the struggle build you,
Not pulling you down.
It is ok to set your target again,
to the level where you can achieve.
If you looking down at yourself,
Other will just do the same.
Be proud of yourself.

Fighting!