Wounded Soul

Feel so worthless

Useless

Unappreciated

Not a priority

Unwanted

Never good enough

Unimportant

Feel so weak that people take me for granted

High expectation that killing me countlessly

And for having such imagination; u love me..

And I'm sad, again

For changing my mind

Thinking u might need me

When actually

I'm just an option

Who there

Or not there

Will never affect u

I'm looking for a road

Not trying to run away

But to find a missing soul

My wounded soul...

Pen off.

Sampai bila?

Dah banyak kali

Buat keputusan yang sama

Dan banyak kali

Balik kepada rasa yang sama

Penat

Berharap pada yang tak pasti

Penat

Bermimpi yang bukan realiti

Penat

Memujuk hati sendiri

Tahu..nanti pasti menangis

Tahu..nanti pasti sesal

Tahu..nanti pasti mencari

Tahu..nanti pasti rindu

Seorang aku

Dan seorang kamu

Kalau tulisnya bersatu

Kita akan bertemu

Untuk hari ini

Biar aku berlalu

Memadam rasa lama

Merawat jiwa duka

Andai tak pernah tertulis

Kita akan berselisih

Aku pasti ingat kamu

Tapi terpulang pada kamu

Untuk ingat aku

Sorry for being me..

             

Dulu kecik-kecik selalu kena usik sebab tak pandai makan pedas.

Dah biasa kena ejek,but sometimes their words were too harsh and its hurt.

Dari kecik, selalu rasa insecure.. You can find me easily at my mother's back.

I'm afraid to walk alone..tak kira lah pegi kedai ke,pasar malam ke..nervous..paranoid..

Bila kena berdiri depan orang ramai, i need to gather all the strength in me..practise hard to control my nervous, to look confident. It's not easy..

Masuk asrama, i need to hide myself. I made it, looking as a different me until i was sent to uk. But then, one day i started to think..

This is not me..i'm fake..i wanted to be real me..the old me..

Then the anxiety came to my door, knocking hard together with those depression.

I'm hiding myself from people..but i welcomed anxiety and depression to be my partner..

I spend most of energy on overthinking..i know this is wrong..i need to seek for help..but i'm no longer believe in people including my family..the only thing that i can do were writing and crying..

I survived. 

I fight all the negative feeling myself. 

No one know. No one realize how broken i am.

Although i've survived, but i still don't feel like living. I tried to open up to people whom i can share this feeling. This anxiety, this depression, this stress that i hold for too long inside me. 

But again.

My anxiety become a joke.

My insecurity become a blame.

Mengada~

Penakut~

Kan dulu sorang-sorang,boleh je..~

You have no choice~

Da besar kot~

All those words hurt me more.

Feel regret for having the believe that,

They can accept all my flaws.

But for them,

I just need to look perfect.. Just hide all those flaws. No need to mention it.

So, i'm back to the old me.