Sorry for being me..

             

Dulu kecik-kecik selalu kena usik sebab tak pandai makan pedas.

Dah biasa kena ejek,but sometimes their words were too harsh and its hurt.

Dari kecik, selalu rasa insecure.. You can find me easily at my mother's back.

I'm afraid to walk alone..tak kira lah pegi kedai ke,pasar malam ke..nervous..paranoid..

Bila kena berdiri depan orang ramai, i need to gather all the strength in me..practise hard to control my nervous, to look confident. It's not easy..

Masuk asrama, i need to hide myself. I made it, looking as a different me until i was sent to uk. But then, one day i started to think..

This is not me..i'm fake..i wanted to be real me..the old me..

Then the anxiety came to my door, knocking hard together with those depression.

I'm hiding myself from people..but i welcomed anxiety and depression to be my partner..

I spend most of energy on overthinking..i know this is wrong..i need to seek for help..but i'm no longer believe in people including my family..the only thing that i can do were writing and crying..

I survived. 

I fight all the negative feeling myself. 

No one know. No one realize how broken i am.

Although i've survived, but i still don't feel like living. I tried to open up to people whom i can share this feeling. This anxiety, this depression, this stress that i hold for too long inside me. 

But again.

My anxiety become a joke.

My insecurity become a blame.

Mengada~

Penakut~

Kan dulu sorang-sorang,boleh je..~

You have no choice~

Da besar kot~

All those words hurt me more.

Feel regret for having the believe that,

They can accept all my flaws.

But for them,

I just need to look perfect.. Just hide all those flaws. No need to mention it.

So, i'm back to the old me.